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Showing posts from February, 2016



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Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

So today was nice?

I woke up late with no where to go, and nothing to do. I think some people call that sleeping in on a Saturday.
My head didn't hurt as much as it usually does. So that was nice.

By about 3pm ish, I actually left the house for a while. Went to Walmart, Sonic, Wendy's and In-n-Out.

It was really nice outside. Cool enough not to feel hot, but warm enough for a t-shirt, breeze outside, 70's?

I did not feel especially down, or moody.

I did the dishes. Several days worth. That took an hour and half. But my wife baked angel food cake, and macerated strawberries for strawberry shortcake. So have two sinks full of dishes again tomorrow, but the desert was lovely.

Other than the errand, and doing dishes, we basically watched Gilmore Girl's re-runs all day. I forgot how much I REALLY enjoyed that show. The wry wit, and comic timing are impeccable, it's so hard to find great writing, directing, and acting like that. Punchy.

Yet... I left the day with the usual empty feeling.

Like the…


So I'm sitting the bathroom, fretting over the state of our country, and this election cycle. 
Then I had this thought:

"Why are you fretting about something I have more control over than you?"
Then just now, I realized... that applies to more than just this election. 
That applies to every area of my life. 
Why am I trying to control the events and outcomes at my job? 
I don't have decision making control over that department?

Why am I worrying about my finances? 
I've proven TOTALLY incapable of managing my own money, or producing more out of thin air (or schemes).

Why AM I fretting about something God has more control over than me?Maybe I could just let God be God... just this once.
By Darrell


Squeeze, strain, burden, tension, compressing, crushing, encumbrance, heaviness, load...  PRESSURE!
pres·sure [ˈpreSHər] NOUN
the continuous physical force exerted on or against an object by something in contact with it:"the slight extra pressure he applied to her hand"the use of persuasion, influence, or intimidation to make someone do something:"the proposals put pressure on Britain to drop its demand"
Not by be confused with:
relaxation, ease, peace
People pressure
There are so many people in this world. Customer people. Co-Worker people. Boss people. Family people. Drivers sharing the road people.
They all come with their emotional deposit, to place in me.
Every human interaction comes with an expectation or "proper" behavior, thoughts, feelings. Why can't my "feelings" today be strongly for something, and be strongly against the same thing tomorrow?
Why would you hold me to what I said yesterday? I don't remember what I said yesterday, …

"Good" Night?

I have often wondered: Is there such a thing as a "Good" Night?

Do other human beings experience this phenomenon?

I suppose I have. I must have, in my nearly 36 years, experienced a hand full of "Good" nights. I can't recall at the moment.

For me, every night I've ever had, as long as I can remember, is a heavy experience. I do not want to go to bed. Going to bed would mean surrendering to tomorrow. If I go to bed, I will sleep, and wake up, and tomorrow will be here.

I'm not ready for tomorrow, not yet.

Tomorrow means getting ready, going into the world to face other human beings again, and their awful emotions.

I enjoy the idea of Spock. An alien who's race experiences emotions so deeply, that they are violent. Thus, they learn to control and suppress these emotions through Logic, defeating their only true enemy, Emotional Self.

That's me, Spock. I have found my enemy, he stands before me in the mirror.

Some may believe me when I try to present mysel…

Taking the edge off

Today was tough. I walked up the path to the steps that lead to the entrance, and I stopped. I turned around, and looked at the beautiful day.

Today was my favorite kind of day. A cool 52* F, overcast Grey skies, no leaves on the trees (no pollen to sneeze), birds chirping, and a hint of mist as though rain would drip at any moment. That is my favorite type of weather. I should have been born in northern Ireland, or maybe Oregon?

Reluctantly, I headed inside. Inside is what I expected. Three days worth of work, and questions from every angle on top of it. Tomorrow three more days worth of work will get dog piled on me too, with no end in immediate sight.

Finally, at lunch time... I decided to break away.
A good walk, push ups, wieght lifts... takes edge off #Ennui
— Darrell Wolfe (@DarrellWolfe) February 22, 2016
I took a walk around the building, did some push ups on the stairs, lifted two 20 lbs weights, some leg lifts, and then headed back up the stairs to the coffin (I mean desk).

It did…

Dishes make my want to cry or scream, depending on the day.

I can tell my emotional state by looking at the sink.
In my home, we've decided the dishes and trash fall under my domain. These are my contribution to the household. I feel better if I do them at night before bed, and wake up to a clean kitchen.

Sometimes, many times, when get home from work and I look at the sink I feel an overwhelming flood of emotion. I don't know what this emotion is. It comes out as anger, but anger is almost always not a root emotion. Anger is usually a reaction to another emotion you don't want to experience or admit.

The task stands before me, it seems daunting, and the only word I that comes to mind is "overwhelming". It's as though the sink is about to swallow me. I often want to sit on the ground in the kitchen, and cry. But since I haven't really cried since I was a teenager, I just stare at it. I either shut down entirely, blank-emotional state, or I get angry.

I might try to blame my anger on my wife and kids: "Why do you …

Just had to relearn this lesson again: #BeStillBeLed

So I spent most of today revamping a page on my site: "Got LIFE?"

Here is an excerpt:

Paradise Lost (Gen 3)Light shinning through the misty sky had dimmed. Evening arrived. Ish was sitting on the lawn, petting Kuf (his pet Monkey). Ishta was braiding the hair of her favorite Lion, Aryeh. Ish could feel his strength waning, as it tended to do this time of day. He took from the LIFE tree, and ate. A cool rush of strength flowed through his veins. Ishta took from the LIFE Fruit, and sat next to him. They lay under the the first stars peeping through, and fell asleep.... to continue click (here).
Something occurred to me. It's simple, yet profound.

Sometimes you don't need to discover new answers. You just need to remember the answers you already discovered, and live them.
It could be said that 90-100% of the problems I'm going through mentally and emotionally could be solved if I lived what I wrote on that page several years ago. I revamped the page today, and upgraded t…

One man's trash, is another father's play time.

I want to be a better father, spend more time with the kids. So the other day, I decided to pull myself out of my head, and funk, and spend time with my boys; on purpose.

I had a pile of old electronics (desk top PC, laptop PC, Android Tablet, DVD player, Nintendo DS, and other randomness) that was sitting around collecting dust. None of it worked anymore. So before we threw it away, I sat with my boys and let then tear it all apart.

We discussed what various components were. We discovered tablet batteries are soft and pliable, not like the hard batteries found in laptops. We also discovered, on accident, that they smell AWFUL when opened... I had to run out of the house with it. Oops.

The boys had fun, learned a few things about these magic devices we take for granted. I actually managed to sit with my children and engage them for more than 2 minutes. I learned my kids are pretty smart, and a lot of fun.

It was a successful night.

Your Turn: That was my story, what's your story?Tell t…

Reading List



Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

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Darrell's Reading List

Here are some books I've been reading lately:
  • Hacker: The Outlaw Chronicles (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). The story of a young Hacker girl, who went on a wild adventure into the supernatural realm beyond trying to save her mom, but saved her self too in the process.
  • Saint: A Paradise Novel (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). He's an assassin, or is he? He finds a secret to his past that unlocks supernatural abilities, at a cost.
  • For a full list of all my book suggestions, see my Amazon Store.

Other sites I follow: