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DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

"Good" Night?


I have often wondered: Is there such a thing as a "Good" Night?



Do other human beings experience this phenomenon?

I suppose I have. I must have, in my nearly 36 years, experienced a hand full of "Good" nights. I can't recall at the moment.

For me, every night I've ever had, as long as I can remember, is a heavy experience. I do not want to go to bed. Going to bed would mean surrendering to tomorrow. If I go to bed, I will sleep, and wake up, and tomorrow will be here.

I'm not ready for tomorrow, not yet.

Tomorrow means getting ready, going into the world to face other human beings again, and their awful emotions.

I enjoy the idea of Spock. An alien who's race experiences emotions so deeply, that they are violent. Thus, they learn to control and suppress these emotions through Logic, defeating their only true enemy, Emotional Self.

That's me, Spock. I have found my enemy, he stands before me in the mirror.

Some may believe me when I try to present myself as not having emotions. Not the few who know me best, my wife for example, but some.

But, it's not true. I have them, possibly more deeply than most (like Spock). However, I am without the ability to process them, understand them, or experience them as such.

Maybe this is where I got my obsession with language and story.

Language is intimately tied to experience.Particularly, self-talk.

You may have a feeling, let's say a physical feeling like Hunger. But unless you understand that feeling, you can describe it in some basic sense, you know what to do about that feeling... you may just feel it, but not know what to do.

You may be a baby that cries, there's thing happening to me, in my belly area. It's uncomfortable, I don't like it, what is this? Crying commences.

But if you know it's hunger. It's a signal your body is giving you to eat. You then go, "Oh, I know this feeling. This is hunger. I will eat, and it will stop."

That's me with emotions.

I read one one of the many personality test sites that I've used over the years, that I am somewhat of an emotional chameleon. The description quite fit my experience well.

Often I can look like I'm showing great empathy. I actually feel what the other person is feeling, as they are describing it. It's like "Sympathy Pains", at the emotional level. But this is only partially true.


What's really happening, is they are using language to describe a feeling/experience. I do not possess this language, so I am learning the feeling through them. I absorb their current emotional state in the process, and it overwhelms my system. Like a computer crash, I shut down.

My shut down may simply look like a blank stare in my eye. Often though, it comes out as anger. Frustration about this feeling I'm having, it's uncomfortable, and I don't know what to do with it.

This happens at work when there are too many tasks at once, especially when those tasks involve interaction with other human beings, and very especially when those humans are in their own hyper-emotional state.

This happens with my wife, often. She experiences emotions so freely. She cries when she's happy, and sad. I can't tell the difference most of the time. It looks the same to me. Crying is related to pain, why would one cry when they are happy? That makes no sense to me. She has to tell me which is which, I can't tell.

When other humans beings express emotions over a 3 (on a 1-10 scale) I get this over-load feeling, and I shut down/crash. I either stare blankly, or I get angry/frustrated. Anger and frustration, I've learned, is not the normal healthy response to someone else's sadness, apparently.

All of that to say... Tomorrow.

There will be tasks, humans, and emotions. I don't mind the tasks as much... the other two... Uhg. Just the thought makes me want to stay up a few more hours, delay that "tomorrow" a little longer.

But I think I'll start getting ready for bed. It's an early day tomorrow.

"Good" Night to you, if there is such a thing. Live long, and prosper.

Darrell

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DISCLOSURES

DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

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Darrell's Reading List


Here are some books I've been reading lately:
  • Hacker: The Outlaw Chronicles (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). The story of a young Hacker girl, who went on a wild adventure into the supernatural realm beyond trying to save her mom, but saved her self too in the process.
  • Saint: A Paradise Novel (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). He's an assassin, or is he? He finds a secret to his past that unlocks supernatural abilities, at a cost.
  • For a full list of all my book suggestions, see my Amazon Store.

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Good Night!


Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!
Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe) Storyteller | Writer | Thinker | Consultant @ DarrellWolfe.com


I Collect Churches

So I have a confession... I have a strange hobby. Some people collect toys, cars, stamps. Some people visit museums, zoos, arboretums.



I... collect church experiences. I visit churches and collect insights on the differences between them, leadership styles, music styles, facility choices, and the overall experience. I collect pastoral teaching and teaching styles. I collect theology and theological differences.
I didn't know it was a hobby at first. I thought I was just "looking for a home church", or looking for something I hadn't found yet. I thought I just hadn't found my place...

Some of that is true. But really, I somewhat accidentally turned studying church into a hobby. Maybe it's because I was a pastor's kid and saw some of the inside workings from a unique perspective. Maybe it's because I secretly, and not so secretly, feel I am supposed to be a pastor but I'm still trying desperately to be anything else.

Maybe it's because Church, …

Writing Prompt | Room and Bored

At the Heart Writers group meeting tonight, led by Lauren Stinton, we did a short writing prompt.

You have seven minutes to write (fiction or nonfiction) and it must include these three items/themes:

Jesus is Lord of allPrincessCat
Here is my result, with a bit of post-meeting editing and addition. Keep in mind, I wrote it in OneNote on my phone...

*** Room and Bored The light amplified through the double glass window pane, despite the clawed dusty drapes, warming Princess' furry belly. She was Queen of this castle and she held the honor with dignity.

Her human was a good servant. He brought her food at the appointed time. He changed her box. He performed his part admirably.

Then her life shattered.

Her human walked in the front door and laid a box on the table. "Princess, I have a surprise for you, " He said.

She rolled off the couch back and sauntered over. The pawed the box. It moved. She jumped back, "Moew," she cried.

A soft rumble came from the box.

Her hu…

Job Research: Regional Maps

http://bibleatlas.org/teman.htm

TEMAN


te'-man (teman, "on the right," i.e. "south"; Thaiman): The name of a district and town in the land of Edom, named after Teman the grandson of Esau, the son of his firstborn, Eliphaz (Genesis 36:11 1 Chronicles 1:36). A duke Teman is named among the chiefs or clans of Edom (Genesis 36:42 1 Chronicles 1:53). He does not however appear first, in the place of the firstborn. Husham of the land of the Temanites was one of the ancient kings of Edom (Genesis 36:34 1 Chronicles 1:45). From Obad 1:9 we gather that Teman was in the land of Esau (Edom). In Amos 1:12 it is named along with Bozrah, the capital of Edom. In Ezekiel 25:13 desolation is denounced upon Edom: "From Teman even unto Dedan shall they fall by the sword." Dedan being in the South, Teman must be sought in the North Eusebius, Onomasticon knows a district in the Gebalene region called Theman, and also a town with the same name, occupied by a Roman garrison, 1…

Have you died yet today?

Recently, I said I wasn't religious but I did have a relationship with Jesus. The person replied that is a "textbook" response for a Christian; therefore, I am a Christian; therefore, I am religious.

I have to laugh because "religion" is the dead following of dead traditions. The difference between my two-way relationship with a real living person (Jesus) and a religious person is the difference between a Tree and a Motorcycle. They have nothing to do with one-another.

Yet, I can see how they get it. Religious people would read this passage and see something totally different than I see, yet we read the same passage.
...anyone who has died has been set free from sin... In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus... Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? Roma…

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