Skip to main content

DISCLOSURES - Cookies

I think this site uses cookies to analyze traffic and for ads measurement purposes. I'm not really sure, I don't do techy stuff. I built it on Google's Blogger platform, ask them. I put this here because some IDIOT BONEHEADS thought you needed new laws. Here're some links if you want more information.

DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

"Good" Night?


I have often wondered: Is there such a thing as a "Good" Night?



Do other human beings experience this phenomenon?

I suppose I have. I must have, in my nearly 36 years, experienced a hand full of "Good" nights. I can't recall at the moment.

For me, every night I've ever had, as long as I can remember, is a heavy experience. I do not want to go to bed. Going to bed would mean surrendering to tomorrow. If I go to bed, I will sleep, and wake up, and tomorrow will be here.

I'm not ready for tomorrow, not yet.

Tomorrow means getting ready, going into the world to face other human beings again, and their awful emotions.

I enjoy the idea of Spock. An alien who's race experiences emotions so deeply, that they are violent. Thus, they learn to control and suppress these emotions through Logic, defeating their only true enemy, Emotional Self.

That's me, Spock. I have found my enemy, he stands before me in the mirror.

Some may believe me when I try to present myself as not having emotions. Not the few who know me best, my wife for example, but some.

But, it's not true. I have them, possibly more deeply than most (like Spock). However, I am without the ability to process them, understand them, or experience them as such.

Maybe this is where I got my obsession with language and story.

Language is intimately tied to experience.Particularly, self-talk.

You may have a feeling, let's say a physical feeling like Hunger. But unless you understand that feeling, you can describe it in some basic sense, you know what to do about that feeling... you may just feel it, but not know what to do.

You may be a baby that cries, there's thing happening to me, in my belly area. It's uncomfortable, I don't like it, what is this? Crying commences.

But if you know it's hunger. It's a signal your body is giving you to eat. You then go, "Oh, I know this feeling. This is hunger. I will eat, and it will stop."

That's me with emotions.

I read one one of the many personality test sites that I've used over the years, that I am somewhat of an emotional chameleon. The description quite fit my experience well.

Often I can look like I'm showing great empathy. I actually feel what the other person is feeling, as they are describing it. It's like "Sympathy Pains", at the emotional level. But this is only partially true.


What's really happening, is they are using language to describe a feeling/experience. I do not possess this language, so I am learning the feeling through them. I absorb their current emotional state in the process, and it overwhelms my system. Like a computer crash, I shut down.

My shut down may simply look like a blank stare in my eye. Often though, it comes out as anger. Frustration about this feeling I'm having, it's uncomfortable, and I don't know what to do with it.

This happens at work when there are too many tasks at once, especially when those tasks involve interaction with other human beings, and very especially when those humans are in their own hyper-emotional state.

This happens with my wife, often. She experiences emotions so freely. She cries when she's happy, and sad. I can't tell the difference most of the time. It looks the same to me. Crying is related to pain, why would one cry when they are happy? That makes no sense to me. She has to tell me which is which, I can't tell.

When other humans beings express emotions over a 3 (on a 1-10 scale) I get this over-load feeling, and I shut down/crash. I either stare blankly, or I get angry/frustrated. Anger and frustration, I've learned, is not the normal healthy response to someone else's sadness, apparently.

All of that to say... Tomorrow.

There will be tasks, humans, and emotions. I don't mind the tasks as much... the other two... Uhg. Just the thought makes me want to stay up a few more hours, delay that "tomorrow" a little longer.

But I think I'll start getting ready for bed. It's an early day tomorrow.

"Good" Night to you, if there is such a thing. Live long, and prosper.

Darrell

Comments

DISCLOSURES

DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

Sign Up

Consider Supporting This Site: Become a Patron! Sign Up so you don't miss a post:

Special Delivery

* indicates required

View previous campaigns.

Powered by MailChimp

Darrell's Reading List


Here are some books I've been reading lately:
  • Hacker: The Outlaw Chronicles (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). The story of a young Hacker girl, who went on a wild adventure into the supernatural realm beyond trying to save her mom, but saved her self too in the process.
  • Saint: A Paradise Novel (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). He's an assassin, or is he? He finds a secret to his past that unlocks supernatural abilities, at a cost.
  • For a full list of all my book suggestions, see my Amazon Store.

Popular posts from this blog

Church Notes @Gatewaypeople

Church Notes @Gatewaypeople
03/09/2014
Church Survey from 7 years ago.

Overview

1. Exploring God. Attending Church but not saved yet. Fellowship
T-the cross divides here...

2. Beginning in God. Relationship.

3. Close to God. Discipleship.

4. God Centered. Lordship.

Mark 4

Seed fell on four groups.



Levels of Friendship

1. Don't talk
 - Its not works.
 - ?
 - Free Gift .

Grace

2. Became Friends

God's Word

3. Talk Often. Best Friends

Giving


4. Committed into death.





Note*
What if you take what you HATE to do and use it as a chance to do what you LOVE to do???



Embracing Grief - The process God gave you to heal

The following was a question from a Widow/Widower support group I belong to:

What is the most important thing you've learned about grief?
My Answer:

Grief is a process to be embraced and walked through. 
Your physical brain has developed protein structures (memories and muscle memories) that tell your body to react in a certain way.

These structures tell the leg to move when walking and they tell the body and mind to be a certain way at home with your spouse, certain expected norms.

Just as when a Vet loses a limb, a widow(er) loses something much more profound, their other half.

The new treatment for those who lose limbs is to activate the new nerve endings by rubbing them frequently with various materials (hard, soft, scratchy, smooth, hot, cold) so the brain can learn the new nerve endings. This helps alleviate "Phantom Limb Syndrome".

God gave us Widows(ers) the gift of Grief to help us recognize and process these protein structures in the brain as they relate to our …

Flavia Antoinette Wolfe (and Baby Wolfe) - Memorial Information Page

Flavia Antoinette Wolfe (and Baby Wolfe, nickname "Blueberry") passed away on 06/25/2018. gofundme.com/flaviawolfememorial 



Links and Contact:

Honestly, Facebook and Facebook Messenger are the best places to reach Darrell.
Darrell's Facebook Page(s) Self & JointFacebook Messenger: @darrellandflaviawolfeme@darrellwolfe.comMobile: 208-907-1617Flavia's Facebook PageHer Art Page: Creatively Unique ArtistExplanation of What HappenedGoFundMe Link: gofundme.com/flaviawolfememorial Memorial Photo AlbumMemorial Slide Show or on YouTube HereGood Grief Resources:Memorial Message of Hope (written)Jesse Duplantis: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE GOD KINDYouTube: Good Grief Playlist
What Happened?

For detail on what happened, click here.

If the link doesn't work, paste this into your browser:

http://www.darrellwolfe.com/2018/06/flavia-antoinette-wolfe-heres-what.html

Shared Photo Album:

I created a Google Photos album, ! Flavia Wolfe (link here), so that I could share photos of her. …

A Memorial Message of Hope

My wife, Flavia Antoinette Wolfe, passed into Glory on 06/25/2018. This is the message/word God gave me.Dealing with Tragedy
When tragedy strikes, we often compelled to ask questions and express doubts:
• Why?
• What if… a thousand what-ifs…
• If only…
• I should have/shouldn't have
• Can God really be good?
• Can the Bible really be true?

The answer to why is simple, hard, and totally unsatisfying: This World Is Broken. 

Sin entered the world, and through sin, death. BUT, God. So many powerful stories have a "but God" moment. Jesus came, he conquered death, and through him, our sorrow is lessened, and a drop of joy lies underneath.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 New King James Version (NKJV)

You WILL have tribulation. That's just as much a promise as anything else in the bible. Trouble is here on this planet for all of us because of…

Flavia Antoinette Wolfe: Here's what happened...

Flavia Antoinette Wolfe died this morning (06/25/2018) at approximately 2:45 am PST. For update see
http://www.darrellwolfe.com/2018/06/flavia-antoinette-wolfe-and-baby-wolfe.html?m=1

The following is meant to answer some basic questions that everyone's asking me. I'd rather send a link then type or talk it out over and over. I'll add more memories and things later as I recall or rediscover. It's a little cathartic for me, to be able to get it out of my head anyway.

The background leading up to this morning:


On May 24, 2018, I got a text with a picture of a positive pregnancy test followed by "So... Boy, girl, twins?"We made appointments, got excited. Flavia was overweight but in generally good health otherwise, so-say-the-tests. However, the pregnancy hit her hard and fast. She said within a month of that test she was feeling like she did when she was six-months pregnant.06/06/2018: She took the boys to get Fro-Yo, it was nice outside, they decided to walk a…

Other sites I follow: