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Showing posts from March, 2016



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Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

Do I trust God?

So I was listening to a guest speaker at Lake City Church Idaho, Paul Young (here), from 12/07/14. He is the Author of "The Shack" and he was amazing. It was like listening to my future self to me now about the healing I need but haven't fully realized yet.

If you want to hear me in a time capsule, go listen to that message. The weird thing is that it wasn't just a generic message I "needed to hear right now". I've heard many of those over the years. Rather; it was like every single point of his story resonated with me. He was a pastor's kid, who struggled with anger and addiction and depression, who overcame and wrote a novel. There were so many points where I said "Hey! That's me!"

I suggest you listen to it, then read the book. I'm downloading the Kindle version tomorrow.

The theme of the message was "Trust God".

We've been trained to say we trust him, but, if the house is burning down do we? Do we really?

I'll let …

Story Seed: Earth 2.0

After 300 (?) years two cultures develop on opposite continents of Earth 2.0.

Darwinism has become a dogmatic religion, but manifested in two cultures (advanced and barbaric).

Intelligent Design Science becomes the new threat to the World order, inspiring exploration and rational inquiry.

This leads to a greater discovery... they did not develop here naturally, but came from a different planet of origin on a space ship...from Earth 1.0.

Do you fear death?

I was listening to a pastor on the radio this morning, giving his easter message. He asked "Do you fear death?" and I laughed.

Firstly, because it reminded me of a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - Davy Jones Introduction (here). Davy Jones asks "Do you fear death, boy?"

Secondly, it's such a silly sounding question in my mind.

How could ANY believer fear death?
To die is to be with Jesus?

No more questions, doubts, fears, lack, poverty, sickness or 'death' of any kind. In my mind, to fear death is an absolutely preposterous idea. In fact, it's been my single highest desire and request since at least ten years old "Please let me leave this stupid planet, and come home."

Now pain, I fear. I don't want pain. If you told me I could have death, but it would come with pain I'd be the first to shy away from that. In fact, that is why life is what I fear, not death.

The question should be, "Do you fear life?"

Small Wins

I had the Check Engine light go off on the car. 
That, alone, has been enough to put me into a funk for weeks. I breathed, tried not to panic.

O'Reilly Auto Parts pulled the code, and it was a Thermostat ($30). Most shops wanted $200 for the repair (including parts), but YouTube made it look like I could do it myself.

It's estimated to take a professional mechanic 1.5 hours, it took me 4 hours. Yeah! I did it.

I didn't even kick and scream and yell once. I did loose a tool in the engine area... but I stayed calm, and got it out, and continued.

Celebrating the small wins tonight.



I have an eclectic set of thoughts tonight. 
My neck hurts, most of the time, but especially today. I don't like going to bed, my neck always hurts through the night, and I wake up stiff.

So I'm sitting here listing to my "***Surrender***" play-list on Spotify.

Revival not elections. Billye Brim reminded me that the Lord said through her prayer meetings that America will not be saved through elections, but through revival.

That reminded me of how worked up I've been over this primary season.

I'm also thinking about the episode of Librarians I just watched (Dark heart). The heart warming story of a serial killer... that they stopped. They freed a magic house to go and help people again.

Work has been tough. I have two days off this week, so after tomorrow, four day weekend!

I'm going to listen to my music and then go to bed.


Oy vey

I feel Oy Vey!
Overwhelmed.Oy vey or oyvey ist mir is a Yiddish phrase expressing dismay or exasperation. Also spelled oy vay, oy veh, or oivey, and often abbreviated to oy, the expression may be translated as, "oh, woe!" or "woe is me!" Its Hebrew equivalent is oy vavoy.Oy is found many times in the Bible (see Numbers 21:29, I Samuel 4:7 and Isaiah 3:11 for a few examples). Vey is newer than oy; it is oy’s Aramaic equivalent.
I feel like this today. I'm forcing myself to take a lunch today. I often don't feel I can. Not because of anything a boss told me, just my own internal clock. If I have 30 things to do today, and time enough for only 5-8 of them, I feel I cannot take a break.

Exhausted before I start.
Hours worked never burn me out, tasks incomplete do. I could work 55 hours but keep my to-do list under the stress bar and feel invigorated. I can work 35 hours with a long to-do list that never ends, and I feel like taking a spike and driving it through my…

Panic Attack

Today started out well. I had a lovely morning, with a few pleasant distractions.
Then I went to work.

I walked in to what was an already overwhelming situation. It's not important to discuss the details. It is sufficient to say that I have a 660% workload, and I'm past burn out. I think I passed that three months ago.

And yet... I still care.

I know that it's literally impossible for any human being to do what I'm doing with anything other than a passing touch on quality work. And yet I struggle and strive to get it done anyway.

My name is on that work.

But I can't focus. I try to gather my thoughts, make some to-do lists, and then I get a whole new pile of crap dumped on me during the day. I can't touch one single thing I started the day with, not one.

I normally work some overtime, because I can dig out a little. But today? I gave up. What's the point.

I had such trouble breathing, focusing, and keeping my blood pressure in line, that I had to get up and leave. …

Reading List



Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

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Darrell's Reading List

Here are some books I've been reading lately:
  • Hacker: The Outlaw Chronicles (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). The story of a young Hacker girl, who went on a wild adventure into the supernatural realm beyond trying to save her mom, but saved her self too in the process.
  • Saint: A Paradise Novel (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). He's an assassin, or is he? He finds a secret to his past that unlocks supernatural abilities, at a cost.
  • For a full list of all my book suggestions, see my Amazon Store.

Other sites I follow: