Skip to main content

DISCLOSURES - Cookies

I think this site uses cookies to analyze traffic and for ads measurement purposes. I'm not really sure, I don't do techy stuff. I built it on Google's Blogger platform, ask them. I put this here because some IDIOT BONEHEADS thought you needed new laws. Here're some links if you want more information.

DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

Practice: Re-write another author.



So, from what I can tell By the Light of the Moon by Dean Koontz (Author), is a decent story. But I'm having a heck of a time getting past the first 10 pages. He is confusing. I like some of the phrasing he uses to paint a picture of the idea, but he uses too much. So much, in fact, that the idea he's trying to paint may be lost.

I'm pretty sure he's trying to say it was a heck of a hot day here, but this is what he says:

"The expired day lay buried in the earth, in the asphalt. Unseen but felt, its ghost haunted the Arizona night: a hot spirit rising lazily from every inch of ground that Dylan crossed."

I'm like... what? I suppose it would be fine if these phrases were scattered about, amidst more plain writing. Instead, it feels as though this complicated word choice is in every paragraph.

So I am left to ask myself, how would I write that, but still use his idea?

"The expired day lay buried in the asphalt, the hot Arizona spirit rising to haunt Dylan as he crossed."
Something like that, I think. Don't use ten words, when five would do. Maybe it's just a style difference. Different styles for different readers.

Darrell

Comments

DISCLOSURES

DISCLOSURES

Some lawyers stay up at night trying to ruin free society and create new rules. Therefore, here are the disclosures I must have that you probably won't read.

Sign Up

Consider Supporting This Site: Become a Patron! Sign Up so you don't miss a post:

Special Delivery

* indicates required

View previous campaigns.

Powered by MailChimp

Darrell's Reading List


Here are some books I've been reading lately:
  • Hacker: The Outlaw Chronicles (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). The story of a young Hacker girl, who went on a wild adventure into the supernatural realm beyond trying to save her mom, but saved her self too in the process.
  • Saint: A Paradise Novel (here) by Ted Dekker (Author). He's an assassin, or is he? He finds a secret to his past that unlocks supernatural abilities, at a cost.
  • For a full list of all my book suggestions, see my Amazon Store.

Popular posts from this blog

The W Story Structure - 4 Sequence Story Structure

Out of everything I've ever read on story structure for fiction writing, the W-Story Structure makes the most sense to me. If you'd rather view these as Acts (3-Act or 4-Act) you can overlay that on this W and it still works.



Glen C. Strathy writes (in much more detail here) in his article, The W-Plot vs. The Dramatica Model of Story Structure. There are four sequences for most stories. Each of the four legs of the W is comprised of a sequence of events that lead the story along to it's natural conclusion.

Sequence 1: setting up the problem (creating tension)Sequence 2: recovering from the problem (new ideas, positive momentum)Sequence 3: deepening of the problemSequence 4: the resolution of the problem (new light or understanding)

Sequence 1: setting up the problem (creating tension)
The Inciting Event (the event that is at the heart of the reason this story happened) may have occurred before your story begins, and often does. In King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017), th…

Church Notes @Gatewaypeople

Church Notes @Gatewaypeople
03/09/2014
Church Survey from 7 years ago.

Overview

1. Exploring God. Attending Church but not saved yet. Fellowship
T-the cross divides here...

2. Beginning in God. Relationship.

3. Close to God. Discipleship.

4. God Centered. Lordship.

Mark 4

Seed fell on four groups.



Levels of Friendship

1. Don't talk
 - Its not works.
 - ?
 - Free Gift .

Grace

2. Became Friends

God's Word

3. Talk Often. Best Friends

Giving


4. Committed into death.





Note*
What if you take what you HATE to do and use it as a chance to do what you LOVE to do???



Topic: No More Facebook... for 28 days or more?

I Deactivated Facebook... for 28 days.
I'm not sure why yet.
I wasn't using it much, and when I did I found it distracting, in a non-productive way. I left Twitter up for now, and Google+ is so pervasive that I'd have to delete ALL my Google activity/accounts in order to walk away from it.

Deactivating is not the same as Deleting, that would be permanent. I set Facebook to auto-reactivate in 28 days. I want to run this as an experiment. Can I make it 28 days without Facebook? I think so. I may come back. I'm not sure yet.

What could I accomplish in the next 28 days? Write a new book? Publish some new posts? Work overtime at my job? I don't know. I'd like this to be more purposeful.
28 days from Dec 27, 2014Want to figure out the date that is exactly twenty-eight days from Dec 27, 2014 without counting?
Your starting date is December 27, 2014 so that means that 28 days later would be January 24, 2015.
You can check this by using the date difference calculator to meas…

Eradicate the word "had" from your writing.

I have been writing for years, first as a hobbiest with passing intrest, then semi-professionally as a blogger, then professionally as a Complaints Reporter and Letter Writers, and now as Technical Writer working on Policy & Procedure (P&P). In that time, I've had the opportunity to edit other's work even more often than my own.

Had is an easy way to clean up your manuscriptAmong the most common pitfalls I've seen, in both Nonfiction and Fiction writing, is the word "HAD". You can almost always simply delete it, and it the sentence will not only remain fully intact, but the meaning will be clearer.

I notice it in my writing, in my Letter Writers, and I've seen it three times today in other authors at Scribophile. Below are the works I critiqued/edited today.

Both are examples of good storytelling and world building. Both have edit issues to work out to be ready for publishing.

Both are examples of how incomplete craft (my own included) can be overcoming b…

FICO

$ 14  FICO
W hat is a FICO score? Many people want to know what a FICO score is. FICO stands for the Fair Isaac Corporation, founded in 1956 and in 2009 renamed: FICO. This is the one company that has more control over your interest rates and loan approvals than any other. They review your credit reports and create a score based on the information found there.
            The formula that determines that score is TOP SECRET. The banks don't even know it. We do know a few things about the score though.  The Credit Scores can vary from 300 to 850, recently information has come out that it may go into the 900's now. A “Good Score” is hard to determine because different lenders have different cut off marks. According to Wikipedia the average marker in the USA is about 640.[1]This score is about the breaking point between bad and good. Typically, though, banks are looking for scores in the 700’s
~DSR or DTI~             The better your score the better the interest rate and the higher th…

Other sites I follow: