For several days I have been wandering around thinking about this impending job offer. I felt like I was hearing God say "I got this", and that's it. That's all He'd say. Of course I didn't feel as though he Got This, but I said "OK Lord, I trust you got this".
I got the call yesterday, they want to offer the job, but for WAY less than I was expecting.
Overtime is not likely in this new position, but possible. So that's a concession.
I'm taking an effective pay-cut.
I've spent SO many years making "not enough" or "barely enough", I was really hoping this position would put us over the top... but it's another in a long line of "better, almost there". I was hoping to be past "almost there" years ago.
Only I could turn a great job offer into something to complain about.
It's just that... I always expected I'd be something by now.
In 2002-2004 I was having big dreams, and I was expecting those dreams to have happened years ago... Those dreams are all but dead now.
I never intended, ever, to have a "career" working for any company. I thought I'd be a self-employed millionaire by now. I NEVER intended to be with the same company ten years later... that's so disheartening.
Intellectually, I can admit I didn't "DO" the things I needed to "DO" to become wealthy. I always felt like I was one idea away, or maybe one new contact or new resource away...
But it's time to face the facts... those were dreams of a naive young kid, who didn't understand how hard the world really was.
MAYBE... someday... I'll figure out what I needed to know to get an idea to actually work...
But it's time to face the fact that I'm just another cog in the wheel of some corporate machine, and I probably will be for another ten years. I guess I just need to let those dreams die.