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Thursday, February 20, 2020

God is passionate about your sex life!

I hesitate to post this.... As this is something I'm walking through, not on the other side of... But NO HIDING is my motto. I have reached a certain degree of success... So, here it is.

I enjoy SEX!

It was the subject of highest contention in my marriage to Flavia, the subject of our almost divorce, and the subject of our reconciliation. 

It was the subject that brought me to my knees before God and her.

It was the subject that led to my healing journey, and to NO HIDING.

After she passed, I went off the deep end for a while. Which is why I stopped writing for a year or so there. 

I had a few partners. It was all very empty, in the end. I had already learned from my NO HIDING journey that it wasn't really sex but intimacy that I was wanting. You can't get that from anyone other than your life partner. 

God created us as two half's, two joining pieces. When a man and woman come together and form a life-bond, it's intended to be complete. Spirit, Soul, and Body become one.

That oneness is intended to be all encompassing. It's also intended to help us see a glimpse of God's nature (the Triune God, Three but One). 

Marriage is ultimately a bond between two people and their God, that bond makes them ONE. Man, Woman, and God form a Triune being. We call that marriage. The two humans remain two people but one entity. This is why couples married for decades often look and sound alike. 

Any marriage that does not have God as the third member will ultimately fail to create the intimacy it was designed to fulfill.

This is why sex without that lifelong covenant, or sex within a paper marriage but without the mutual submission God built us for, is so empty. It fails to satiate the soul.

When I went on my #Whole30, I learned what foods that satiate felt like and foods that didn't. I was shocked at how much better I felt by just changing my food. The body was meant to be satiated. Full. You shouldn't be walking around zapped of energy and needing a 'pick me up' constantly. 

Sex is a type of food for the soul. 

Sex stripped of it's nutrients (processed white flour of the soul, sex outside of covenant) won't satiate. You'll have an "insatiable craving" for more. We see this with sex addiction.

Sex inside a covenant of three (Man, Woman, God) when all three are mutually submitted to one another, is satiating. Yes you'll be hungry, just as with food, satiating food doesn't mean you won't be hungry eventually, but, it's filling and nutrient dense. 

Controversial Statement: Anything other than this type of triune bond (one man, one woman, mutually submitted to each AND to God, till death do them part) is outside of the created order of God; therefore, it will not satiate. It cannot.  

His Grace covers our failings, frailties, and choices, yes even or DNA and genetics. His Grace covers our fallen world. If you've been in anything other than this arrangement, God still loves you! He is passionate about you. 

His Grace also covers those of us who were in the marriage on paper, but failed to reach true intimacy in mutual submission before each other and God. 

God is passionate about SEX! He thinks it's amazing! He created it, after all. He just wants to make sure you get good food, and not the highly processed junk food stripped of nutrients.

His ultimate gift to you would be to restore you to this highest form of intimacy.


I laid (pun intended) my physical relationships aside for this season. 

But that doesn't mean it's easy. Here are a few things I've done to help myself find healthy expression while I prepare for my next partner.

1. Submit to God: Before any other practical steps, I had to make a conscious choice that I was going to submit to God's way, even if I didn't see how that would pan out or even work. This was the hardest step.

2. Acknowledge the Tension: I am so glad I am a sexual being! I embrace that, 100%! I choose to find healthy expression. 

3. Skin Hunger: I found massage (by a professional who has good boundaries) was a good way to deal with skin hunger. 

4. Muscle Movement: I found exercise, even just a few squats and lifts and long walks, dealt with the need to move the body.

5. Non Romantic Community: I've built and am building friendships and community I'm safe places. Careful to avoid any situation where I could be tempted to cross that barrier. Facebook Groups, Church, Work Breakroom, so good places to start.

6. Feed The Soul: Read, Write, start new projects I've always intended to get to "someday". Get the guitar out and play again.

I found the inner world of the soul is the hardest battle ground. But, I've learned some things there.

I went on a #Whole30 in January. I learned that I can say no to foods I want (cookies, cheeseburgers, Dr Pepper) for a season because I had a higher purpose (feeling healthy). Just like I can say no to something for a season in one category, because I have a higher purpose, I can do it in another category. 

I can say no to cheeseburgers today, while acknowledging that I want one and will have one again in the future, in the right context and with the right moderation. 

Sex is just another cheeseburger.

And I won't draw any conclusions, I'm still walking this journey. I'll just leave you with that for now. 



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