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Saturday, January 31, 2015

Getting Unstuck. Be Still. Be Led. Be Open




I learned a few lessons in getting unstuck this week. And surprise surprise, it all came back to Be Still. Be Led. But also, Be Open... to the new, weird, and extra-ordinary ways God wants to speak to you.




I feel stuck. 


I have felt stuck for nearly my entire life. I have mountain top experiences, camp when I was young, Kairos a few months ago. I do well afterward, I get up in the mornings fired up to spend time with God. I have my bible and notebook ready, I'm praying. I'm connecting. I'm getting things out of it. Then... I disconnected. I sleep in one morning and don't get up in time to do my routine. Then one day, weeks/months have gone by since I've been in my bible or prayer time. This has happened for as long as I can remember, Jr. High even.

After enough time passes with my loosing all that momentum, I've fallen back into old behavior and thought patterns. I'm over eating, under sleeping, and engaging in behaviors and thoughts that are counter productive to the vibrant life God has created me for. Sometimes, it goes far enough to open back into the depression I've struggled, off and on, with for so many years.

I keep thinking there has got to be a secret to unlocking this thing. There has got to be a way to live in the type of victory I hear other people living. I tried various churches, I tried A.A. These were not ineffective. I learned great things, made great strides, had revelations and breakthroughs. I haven't touched alcohol since December of 2001. I haven't smoked since August 7th, 2002.

But I just replaced alcohol with Dr. Pepper, and smoking with Cheeseburgers. The same thoughts and patterns of behavior exist. Just different substances.

Then one day, I discovered Freedom Ministries, through Gateway Church. It started when I took the class "Levels of Change". I took the five foundation classes in person, and went through them online many times. I've taken copious notes. I'm about to go back through and basically transcribe the classes for myself so that I can really internalize the lessons I've been getting through those. (Part of my Learner and Input strengths).

I took it another step forward and attended Kairos. It was a great experience, and I grew a ton in those two days. I left knowing that this was another giant step forward toward the breakthrough I needed. Then I decided, (and was nudged by my wife), that I am so Intellectual and Introspective, that I could use a little outside perspective from men (who are not me or my wife) that have experience with these freedom concepts.

Another Step 


Here's the thing. I'm an open book. You ask me a question, and I'll tell you what's on my mind. No life experience, or past issue is off limits. I will open my life to you and share what God has done through me. Pains, Hurts, Triumphs, Victories. Nothing is off limits for discussion and sharing.

But, I'm also guarded. I don't mind sharing with total strangers in a grocery store, or thousands of people online. But meeting with people face to face, who will continue to know me, see me, "judge me", etc... that is a level of vulnerability I'm not used to.

As open as I am with strangers, I have very few friends. In fact, I've been in Texas since 2009, it is not 2015, (six years) and I have yet to invite anyone over to my house except one birthday party once for my son. My list of friends that I would openly call just to say hello (outside of my family) is about five people, and one of them lives in Texas. I feel awkward around people. I'm much more comfortable with ideas, concepts, thoughts, studies, facts, and figures.

I can help you with your problem, as long as you don't start crying, then I get really uncomfortable. Inside I'm thinking, "You go handle that emotional thing, and then come to me when you are ready to talk ideas, actions, and solutions."

So, I took my wife's advice and met with some men from the church to start getting some outside help on this journey. I've decided to dedicate this post to sharing some of the insights that came from that encounter.This is not the end, this is only the beginning. But it's one more step toward this life of Freedom.


Belief - Thought - Action


In Levels of Change, I learned that actions come from the variety of thoughts we have. Thoughts are like branches that grow from the root of a belief. You cannot deal with change at the level of actions or thoughts, as these just manifest in different ways. When one is cut down, the next pops up.

You cut off Alcohol, and you are addicted to Dr. Pepper without realizing it. You cannot deal with the substance, addiction, or behavior. Behavior is irrelevant to the change you seek. Trying to change by changing your behaviors is mostly pointless.

You cannot deal with the thoughts "I really want a ...." because that too, is a symptom. You cut off one thought, another equally dumb thought takes it's place.

Belief gives birth to thoughts, thoughts give birth to actions, and the resulting events that arise from those actions reinforce the belief. This is the stronghold cycle. This can be both a negative and/or positive cycle, depending on what belief is in question.

Silly example: 
If I believe that gravity causes me to fall, and I have thoughts that if I jump off of tables, ladders, cars, roofs, I will fall... then I do some or all of these things and it happens. This reinforces my belief. 

Attempting to change thoughts or actions without changing the belief root is ineffective at best.So how can I get at beliefs? Many times you don't even know that beliefs are there.


Mirrors


In the natural, you cannot know what you look like without a mirror. How will you know about the smudge on your forehead without seeing it in a mirror? If someone tells you that it's there, how will you know they are telling the truth? (I've seen people say it's there when it's not just to mess with people).

God is your mirror. You are made in his image. When you get close to Him, he reveals who and what you are. But unlike a natural mirror, when you get close to God, you also become more of who and what you are.

Other humans can help with this process, they can point to the smudge they see, that you do not see. But some humans have a warped image, and therefore give you a warped reflection. You have to rely primarily on God as the revealing image, and only those humans He leads you to submit to.


Hearing

Romans 10:17

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
Therefore faith is from the hearing ear, and the hearing ear is from the word of God.

Young's Literal Translation
...so then the faith is by a report, and the report through a saying of God,

International Standard Version
Consequently, faith results from listening, and listening results through the word of the Messiah.

Now hold on to your religious high horse for what I'm about to say, don't count me off my rocker yet, hear me out.

Faith does not come through reading the bible.
Faith is based in hearing. If Bob says that he'll give me $100.00 next Friday. I have a choice. I can believe him, or not. If he has proven himself to be faithful and trustworthy, I will most likely believe him. If he has proven himself to make 100 excuses for why he didn't do what he said he'd do, I likely won't believe him. Faith is action based.

Faith is the actions or stance I take, based on my belief.


Let's take Imaginary Bob for example. 



If I believe Bob to be a flake, I will most likely not take any actions or stance that aligns with the $100.00 promise. If I believe Bob to be a man of his "word", I will take actions or a stance that aligns with his promise.

I can read Bob's Facebook profile, follow his twitter feed, and read all of his books. Those things will give me an idea of who Bob is, what he has said and done, etc.

However, do I have a relationship with Bob?

No.

I have a good idea of who Bob is, but I do not have a relationship with Bob. There are plenty of online personalities, ministries, etc, that turn out to be frauds and fakes. But if Bob and I went out to lunch once a month, and we talked about life. He said he'd meet me at X, and he did.

After some time my intellectual agreement with who Bob is, would be either confirmed or questioned by my experiences with Bob, which will result in a set of beliefs about Bob.

So I need to hear his active present tense voice, in relationship through on going experiences, in order to believe Bob and put my trust in him. Bob may point to a portion of a book he wrote, in answer to my question one day, and say "read this". But that is part of the dynamic relationship I have with Bob.

Lets say that I have no relationship with Bob, but know who he is, and then one day I go to my driveway, and my car is wrecked, and someone comes to me and says "Yeah, Bob came over last night and borrowed your car and got drunk, and wrecked it. Sorry man." If I don't know Bob, I may believe this person, this demon spirit, this lie. But if I know Bob, and I know Bob is not this way, I would say "That's ridiculous! Bob would never do that, there is another explanation. I don't know what it is, but I know Bob didn't do this!"

This is how God gets blamed, by the devil, and through him by people, for all kinds of wild things. God used this storm to teach them a lesson. God killed that baby because he needed another angel in heaven. God did this, it was an "act of God". But then, if you know God, you know that this is all ridiculous. You know the DEVIL comes to steal, kill, and destroy. All things that bear the fruit of DEATH, have the root of DEATH himself. All things that bear the fruit of LIFE, have the root of LIFE Himself.

As with Bob so with God. God may point to his written word (He definitely will) and speak to me through that word. But there is a difference between treating the bible as a spell book and treating it as a love letter.

Treating the bible like a spell book means I look up the formula for the situation at hand, and speak that spell hoping for a solution to magically appear like Harry Potter. Whereas, when I treat the bible as a book written to me by my loving Father, as a means to understand him better, and deepen my relationship with Him, I am letting that letter lead me to an active vibrant relationship with Him.

I can't have faith if I haven't heard. Faith comes by hearing. Hearing comes by the Word.

Faith that Bob will give me $100.00 comes from hearing him say that he will.

Faith that God will bring me a new car, or otherwise fix the car situation I'm in, comes from hearing God say that he will.

Jesus said, that he only said what He heard the Father say, and did what He saw the Father do. THAT is Faith. I can't have faith, until I've heard something to respond to.

I can't have faith that Bob will give me $100.00 just because I read that he did it for someone else. I can read that he did it for someone else, have a relationship with him, then hear him tell me that he will do it for me too, and THEN have faith that he will give me $100.00.

Grace Speaks, Faith Responds.

So it's not enough to know God can provide, and will provide. I need to take it beyond intellectual agreement, get into His presence, hear His instructions, and follow those instructions. However, if I'm only getting into His presence during times of crisis, it will be harder to hear clearly (past the voices yelling for my attention). If I've practiced hearing his voice, through fellowship/relationship over a period of time, it will be easier to hear His instructions, and easier to believe and follow through on them as well.

There is this dynamic between Grace and Faith.

Check this out from Jeremy Perasons.That is how faith works. Grace Speaks, Faith Responds.



Don't ask "Is this God, or is this me?" 


This is the wrong question for many reasons. Here are some.
  1. God Speaks To and Through Your Uniqueness. God doesn't just speak in sentences, although he can and does do that. He also speaks in words, images, visions, dreams, impressions, ideas, concepts, and more. God has also given you a set of gifts, talents, and perspectives that, when put together, are you uniquely yours. Then God puts ideas into your heart that align with the way He's built you. So when I have an idea for a story, or to go to certain place to minister to someone, or whatever, it very well may sound like me. This because it is coming from God, through my gifting, and resonating (bouncing around off of all of my giftings and talents) in me. 
  2. There were two trees. Knowledge and Life. When man operates without God, it looks like Knowledge. Religion attempts to overcome the knowledge of Evil with the knowledge of Good. But the Knowledge of Good will never re-connect you to LIFE, which is the real need of man. So do not attempt to find the will or voice of God through Knowledge. "Is this God or is this me?" attempts to rationalize the voice of God. This is almost like saying "Does two plus two equal purple?" The question makes no sense. This is because (as pointed in #1) we are built in a specific way, and God speaks to us through our uniqueness. Also, we are built in the image of God. As with a branch on a tree, as we get closer to Him, it gets harder and harder to identify where one ends and the other begins. You can clearly see that the branch is not the tree, and that the branch can be cut from the tree. But can you honestly say that you can find the exact point at which a branch ceases to be the branch and the tree begins? The joining point is so integrated, that is become difficult to distinguish the point of separation.
Therefore, just a branch disconnected from the tree is dead (even if it looks alive) an idea disconnected from God is death.

There are only two options.
  • Things connected to LIFE bearing the fruit of LIFE. 
  • Things connected to death, bearing the fruit of death.
Therefore a better question, when faced with something you think God is telling you, would be "Is this LIFE?" If you see the fruit of life hanging from it, run with it.


Out Of The Box

Paraphrase of an actual conversation(s):

"You stated that you are an intellectual. You study. You study the words, the meanings, the history... etc. God gave you those gifts and they are good. But consider this.

If you have read someones book, and their Facebook profile. You know all their stats. Do you KNOW them, do you have a living vibrant relationship with them?

(Good Will Hunting Scene- **Warning This Scene Has Foul Language, but it shows this disconnect between knowing about and knowing.)


.

No, you just know about them. You don't know them. If the book is not leading you to the author, put the book down, and go after the author. You are so intellectual, that your disinterest in reading the bible during your "devotional time" may be the Holy Spirit himself leading you to put the bible down.

This is not to say that bible study is bad, or that you should stop it forever. This is to say that God may want you to let Him out of the box, so that He can speak with you in the 1,000's of ways that He wants to, instead of the three or four (Bible, Journal, Prayer, Study) that you put Him into.

If you are experiencing this cycle of Spiritual Connectedness, followed by a disinterest in your usual routine, then flowing into apathy, and this cycle has repeated itself since you were a pre-teen.

STOP the cycle!

God is not interested in what you do, He is interested in who you are!

He is not looking for better behaviors, traditions, or rituals, he is looking for a vibrant relationship. Hearing is an experience. You can't get hearing from reading. You can hear while you read, He can speak to you through the words you read. But hearing and reading are two separate things. God can just as easily speak to your heart during a class taught by an atheist, as He can through a sermon. But this will only happen if you are keeping your lines of connection open and unplugged"



Interesting Thought: When the heart is connected to LOVE, fear looses it's rational grip.

LOVE is a heart mater, fear operates on the mind's rational processes. You rationalize yourself into not obeying God, or believing Him. This is result of the fall, when we were disconnected from LIFE and connected to KNOWLEDGE instead.

My Achiever and Intellection strengths have a potential downside, the tendency to make my relationship with God a process (religion) as opposed to the vibrant flowing relationship that He desires.

Here are some of the instructions/requests I've received from God (repeatedly) in the past ten plus years.
  • Sing to me like you did when you were younger. 
  • Tell me a story. • Spend some time in the mornings being still. Just be still, no reading, praying, and be still.
  • Be still and know that I am God. 

It occurs to me now, that they are all centered on getting out of routine and into relationship. 

Assignment:  


Be still, be led, be open to the weird and extra-ordinary ways God may want to communicate with you. Follow the desires that come to your heart. If you feel he just says "go for a walk", "listen to Lion King sound tracks", etc, don't question it, just flow with it.

If you feel that he says to stop your prayer to go write a story, do it. Go watch a YouTube video, do it. Go drive to a coffee shop, do it. Be ready to be led in ways that don't fit your box of what "spending time with God" looks like.

Also, be prepared to erase forever the idea of a "devotional" time, and instead spend every moment, of every day, attempting to strengthen that connection. Let your entire DAY be your time with God, even as you go to work.

It was suggested I take a look at  Todd White and Graham Cooke, as possible sources to learn from in developing this connection. 

Conclusion:


I'd say that, despite my nervousness going into this, and the feeling I had to be a no-show while I was in the parking lot, this was a GREAT encounter, and I may just have to give this "relationships with other humans in person" thing a shot more often.

And it sounds like I'll still be working on my on going life development theme... will I #BeStillBeLed, and I'll be OPEN to being led in unique ways! 


---

And now I leave you with a question:

 

So... what is the strangest things you think God's ever told you, even if you're not sure it was Him?

Hit me up on Twitter @DarrellWolfe or on Google +DarrellWolfe

By Darrell Wolfe

Monday, January 19, 2015

Special Alert: 1099-C Taxe Solution (the possible way you can avoid paying taxes on your 1099-C, if you qualify!)


Lego Soldiers coming to take taxes from the poor! Stupiud IRS... All rights reserved "The tax inspector" by THE BRICK TIME Team
All rights reserved "The tax inspector" by THE BRICK TIME Team

*Disclosure: I'm not a tax consultant, I'm a normal person who is sharing his experience. Consult your own tax adviser or resources for your situation.

Warning!! Tax Nightmare Approaching... 

Surprise 1099-C

So a few years ago we were humming right along. Our business's hadn't made much of anything (less than $100.00 annually!) We have always filled taxes in late January or early February. Not much to report. Income and Interest paid on debts. This particular year, everything went through with the IRS, and we received our tax return.

Later that year, we received notice of an Audit, because we failed to file the 1099-C with our tax return.I asked myself... what is a 1099-C? Top FAQ's on 1099-C's HERE. The short answer is this:

  • Debt Incurred: You borrow money from a company. 
  • Debt Unpaid: You fail to pay that debt off, and it goes to collections. 
  • Time Elapse: Time Passes.
  • Time Elapse: MORE time passes. 
  • Report the Loss: Years later, they've tried to collect that debt from you with no success and they choose to tax a tax write off for themselves by "taking a loss" on that debt. They get to reduce their "income" by the amount of the debt you didn't pay. They report that loss on their income, and send you a form 1099-C. 
  • Report the Gain: in the eyes of Big Brother (IRS) if you were given $5,000 by your credit card company for your vacation to Hawaii, and you didn't pay it back, that was INCOME for you! So the same year that the company reports the LOSS, you are required to report the INCOME!
  • Taxes: this means that on your taxes, when reporting the income you made from W2 jobs, and interest and dividends from investments, and sales in your personal business... you also MUST include this loss as income for yourself as well.... 
  • UNLESS... you are insolvent.

 Insolvency

So insolvency is fancy way of saying that you owe more than you are worth, (most of the USA). This is a bad place to live, but a good place to be if you've received a 1099-C and do not have any savings built yet to pay the surprise tax bill!

You need to prove to the IRS that you owe more in debts than you are worth (you are insolvent).

From the IRS Website:

What if I am insolvent?

A taxpayer is insolvent when his or her total liabilities exceed his or her total assets. The forgiven debt may be excluded as income under the "insolvency" exclusion. Normally, a taxpayer is not required to include forgiven debts in income to the extent that the taxpayer is insolvent.
The forgiven debt may also qualify for exclusion if the debt was discharged in a Title 11 bankruptcy proceeding or if the debt is qualified farm indebtedness or qualified real property business indebtedness.
If you believe you qualify for any of these exceptions, see the instructions for Form 982. For more information, see highlights of the Mortgage Forgiveness Debt Relief Act.

File a Form 982


Form 982 Reduction of Tax Attributes Due to Discharge of Indebtedness (and Section 1082 Basis Adjustment) 0713 07/17/2013


This form will allow you to inform that IRS that you are not going to include the 1099-C as part of your taxable income. It can be used in conjunction with a worksheet of your own design, specifying (proving) your negative net worth.

In layman's terms that means, you use a worksheet to prove you owe more than you are worth. I built an excel worksheet to include with my 982, linked here for you to use and adapt to your needs. (NOTE: I'm not a tax adviser, use this worksheet at your own risk/success, your mileage may vary).


Worksheet Here







Conclusion:

With these tools I was able to avoid paying extra taxes on this surprise audit. This was MY story, your story may vary, and the IRS changes their rules ALL the time. Do your own research and/or consult a tax adviser to be sure.


BONUS TIP: Check to see if you have a 1099-C BEFORE you file your taxes

In the Credit.Com article Top FAQ's on 1099-C's HERE, it says:
Call the IRS at 800-829-1040 and request a wage and income transcript for the tax year(s) in question. It should list any 1099-C that was filed under your Social Security number.
I also found, you can get your Internal Revenue Service (IRS) Wage and Income Transcript online,

I found no entries (even my W2 amounts) for the tax year that just passed (the one I would be filing a return for this year). Therefore, since most companies have until January 31st to complete their side of these returns. So, you may have to wait until some time in February before these forms start to show up on the IRS website.

This means that if you have any chance that there is an old debt out there that could be 1099-C'd, wait until mid to late February before filling your return. Trust me, from experience, it's easier to do it right the first time, than fix it after!

As always: #BeStillBeLed?


---

And now I leave you with a question:

 

So... what are your thoughts about this? What did this make you think about? 

Hit me up on Twitter @DarrellWolfe or on Google +DarrellWolfe

By Darrell Wolfe

Saturday, January 17, 2015

01/11/15 @GatewayPeopleNFW

Mathew 7:1-2

Luke 6:37-38

Judge not and pick your measure...

 
 

Give, and it will be given is not just about money. Being a giver is all about the heart. Being a giver involves time, talent, treasure, inconveniencing yourself for others....

 
 

 
 

Judgment, Condemnation, Forgiveness... You give judgment and you reap judgment. You give forgiveness and forgiveness will be reaped.

 
 

 
 

Deut 15:7-8

God gave the land, therefore, give to your brother. Don't close your hand because he can't pay you back. Lend to the poor, GOD pays you back.

 
 

You should give without being greived about it. You can only grieve over giving when you thought it was yours.

 
 

Why did God create-invent giving? Do you really think that God needs your money to support His work???

 
 

God, So over that He gave!

 
 

  1. Deal with a selfish heart.
    1. <before we give>
  2. Deal with a grieving heart.
    1. <after we give>
  3. Develop a generous heart.
    1. <you were born again generous>
  4. Develop a grateful heart.
    1. <remember what you have been given, this will allow you to be grateful>

 
 

 
 

 
 

What causes extravagant generosity? Never forget that your saved!

 
 

What are you saying to me?

 
 

About heart not behavior.

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
 

...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Boston Bombing Vision | Eta


















Over at the café',
Janice is still chattering away about the latest episode of Blacklist, which
Eta is normally very into. Today she just feels less normal. That dream, it had
gone away since she'd been doing her herbal teas, but now it was back. Was this
a relapse?





Suddenly, in her
mind's eye, she saw a waiter walk by and trip
on her purse, dropping the bottle of Perrier he was carrying.





She turned to Janice
who had stopped talking, and was now staring at Eta. " You feeling' ok
hun? "





"I'm fine
Janice, I'm sorry… these darn headaches, what were you saying? " Eta
denied it.





"You need
something? I always carry the standards, generic of course… same thing, less
money…"





"Janice, it's
nothing really." Just then a waiter walked by with a bottle of Perrier. He
tripped on her purse, and she reached out and caught the bottle before it hit
the ground.





"You have
amazing reflexes! Thank you!" the waiter stated, and he moved on looking
embarrassed.





"Wow girl
!" Janice exclaimed. "You really are good! " Janice went back to
recanting the television show. Eta tried to appear interested, she actually
really enjoyed the show. But these episodes were getting out of control.





Then, Janice
disappeared. She was somewhere else, far away.





City street. cars driving by. People walking along,
minding their own business, most looking down at their smart phones as if they
were walking by GPS. Now there's people running, the streets of roped off, and
she can see people in jogging suits, numbers on their back. Then her attention
is drawn to a young man placing a backback in the trash can. She knows this
place, but she's never been here. A blinding flash of light. Glass splattering
all over her. The percussion hits her chest and…





it's over... It's
the same one she's been having for weeks now. There are the little things that
she seems to see before they happen. Like the waiter. Coincidence. Maybe. But
then there's this dream, what could it mean? She must not have been staring blankly
for too long, because her friend didn't notice at all this time. These waking
dreams are getting more and more vivid. More details. It's strange how eerie
they are.





"Oh my!"
she hears from just behind her, she turns to see the whole restaurant slowly
turning to see the television. Stunned silence. Another terrorist attack.





"An explosion
just went off at the Boston Marathon just moments ago…" the reporter
covering the information they had so far.





…wait, did they say
Boston? A sick feeling comes over her... is that even possible? Then it
happens. She sees the young man, from her dream, running away from the scene in
the news with all the other people.





Her friend notices
that she's gone pale, she asks the bartender for water. They start to fan her.
Eta folds her head into her hands at stares at the T.V. in total shock.
"What is happening?" They all assume she's talking about the recent
rise in terrorist attacks… if they only knew.





"Excuse me,
Janice, I have to make a call. I have friends in that area. I'll see you later
ok?" Eta does not wait for an answer, she walks to a nearby payphone,
which are getting harder to come by these days, keeping her face from a clear
line of sight to any cameras she sees. She calls the F.B.I. hotline with an
anonymous tip regarding the bomber, and the news channel that had the photo.
Then she heads home… to process.











***




Boston Bombing Vision | Eta




Over at the café', Janice is still chattering away about the latest episode of Blacklist, which Eta is normally very into. Today she just feels less normal. That dream, it had gone away since she'd been doing her herbal teas, but now it was back. Was this a relapse?

Suddenly, in her mind's eye, she saw a waiter walk by and trip on her purse, dropping the bottle of Perrier he was carrying.

She turned to Janice who had stopped talking, and was now staring at Eta. " You feeling' ok hun? "

"I'm fine Janice, I'm sorry… these darn headaches, what were you saying? " Eta denied it.

"You need something? I always carry the standards, generic of course… same thing, less money…"

"Janice, it's nothing really." Just then a waiter walked by with a bottle of Perrier. He tripped on her purse, and she reached out and caught the bottle before it hit the ground.

"You have amazing reflexes! Thank you!" the waiter stated, and he moved on looking embarrassed.

"Wow girl !" Janice exclaimed. "You really are good! " Janice went back to recanting the television show. Eta tried to appear interested, she actually really enjoyed the show. But these episodes were getting out of control.

Then, Janice disappeared. She was somewhere else, far away.

City street. cars driving by. People walking along, minding their own business, most looking down at their smart phones as if they were walking by GPS. Now there's people running, the streets of roped off, and she can see people in jogging suits, numbers on their back. Then her attention is drawn to a young man placing a backback in the trash can. She knows this place, but she's never been here. A blinding flash of light. Glass splattering all over her. The percussion hits her chest and…

it's over... It's the same one she's been having for weeks now. There are the little things that she seems to see before they happen. Like the waiter. Coincidence. Maybe. But then there's this dream, what could it mean? She must not have been staring blankly for too long, because her friend didn't notice at all this time. These waking dreams are getting more and more vivid. More details. It's strange how eerie they are.

"Oh my!" she hears from just behind her, she turns to see the whole restaurant slowly turning to see the television. Stunned silence. Another terrorist attack.

"An explosion just went off at the Boston Marathon just moments ago…" the reporter covering the information they had so far.

…wait, did they say Boston? A sick feeling comes over her... is that even possible? Then it happens. She sees the young man, from her dream, running away from the scene in the news with all the other people.

Her friend notices that she's gone pale, she asks the bartender for water. They start to fan her. Eta folds her head into her hands at stares at the T.V. in total shock. "What is happening?" They all assume she's talking about the recent rise in terrorist attacks… if they only knew.

"Excuse me, Janice, I have to make a call. I have friends in that area. I'll see you later ok?" Eta does not wait for an answer, she walks to a nearby payphone, which are getting harder to come by these days, keeping her face from a clear line of sight to any cameras she sees. She calls the F.B.I. hotline with an anonymous tip regarding the bomber, and the news channel that had the photo. Then she heads home… to process.



***

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Emotions. Community. Connection. Irrelevant. Tedious.

 

 

Emotions. Community. Connection.  

 


These are words I do not fully understand, or appreciate. I've always felt the odd man out... as though, even sitting in the middle of a group of "friends", I was looking in from the outside. All these people belong here, but I don't.

I've attempted to find and access these words over time... nearly always falling short. I can count the males (whom I'm not related to) that I would willingly (and easily) pick up the telephone and call just to say hello... on one hand. And I rarely even do that. 

So then, during a recent research session for my project, I came across the topic of Emotional Intelligence.

Then I came across this post "Signs that you lack emotional intelligence".


Here are some of the telltale signs that you need to work on your emotional intelligence:

  • You often feel like others don’t get the point and it makes you impatient and frustrated.
  • You’re surprised when others are sensitive to your comments or jokes and you think they’re overreacting.
  • You think being liked at work is overrated.
  • You weigh in early with your assertions and defend them with rigor.
  • You hold others to the same high expectations you hold for yourself.
  • You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team.
  • You find it annoying when others expect you to know how they feel.

    So what do you do if you recognized yourself in this list? Well I did. In fact, I STRONGLY AGREED with every item on this list. Then, when I completed the article an idea struck me...

    Wait... were they saying that agreeing with these statements was a potentially bad thing?!!!

    Here are four strategies.... You'll have to click on the link and read the article.

    Irrelevant. Tedious.

     

    I find many human interactions (most especially those that involve emotions, either mine or the other persons) incredibly tedious... and mostly irrelevant. I would gladly discuss the merits of Star Trek vs Stargate, Marvel vs D.C., world history, current events, financial news, hard sciences, eschatology, or even the merits of an Extreme Ironing hobby (yes that's a real thing)... Anything but discussing my own emotional state...or yours.

    Emotions are the source of most of the wrong decisions people make in life. I personally view emotions much the same way the Vulcan's do (like Spock). I experience them more intensely than most, so I'd prefer not to have them at all. If you ask me to discuss my feelings, it actually causes a physical headache.


    The Lie: Emotions are dangerous, tedious, irrelevant.


    During Kairos I learned something that radically changed my mindset about life.  Every recurring repetitive negative behavior or pattern can be tied to a lie you are believing. This lie causes you to seek comfort or defense (which is usually the behaviour or pattern you are trying to get rid of). That comfort and/or defense you seek causes an event that reinforces the lie. And so a stronghold is built. (I wrote about that here).

    Many times you do not recognize the lie as a lie, because it's been reinforced through experience after experience. Many times you are tempted to see the lie as having come from the experience, rather than being the root of the experience. The one thing you can more easily identify; is, the comfort or defense you run to when the lie comes to you.

    If you will take the time to Be Still and Be Led, God will show you what lie you are believing. Many times, He does this though showing you an event in your life that is tied to that lie. It may be the first event that the enemy used to speak that lie to you for the first time, or it may just be an event that crystallizes that lie in a way that it makes it easier to see it for what it is.

    When I ask, where did these ideas come from:

    (Emotions. Community. Connection.)  -- are -- (Irrelevant. Tedious.)

    One event comes to mind. A surprise party. It's been a source of humorous contention for years in my family. As I recall it from my perspective, I was turning 13. I had already been a loner personality for the years leading up to that event. So my desire to keep a distance from Community and Connection were WELL developed already and didn't start here.

    I asked for one thing. One thing. To Be Alone. No friends. No Party. No Big Event. And most especially No Surprise Party! 

    I wanted to spend the morning shopping with birthday money, and then go to my room for the rest of the day. My mom and I went shopping. I came home. She asked me to go to the garage to get something, and when I opened the door there were...

    ... lots of people.

    In my memory there were 50 people. It might have only been 15 I don't know. I recall being in shock as they yelled surprise... and I experienced ANGER.

    I recall turning around, walking down the hall, and to my room, and stayed there for a long time... as I planned. Eventually I came out of that room. I pretended to be a part of the party. But I made a decision.

    Emotions are irrelevant.


    It's your job to be the big man, put on your smile, and preform for the crowd. Just like the Deaconess at the church told me a few years before, as the Pastors Son I needed to be a better example for the kids, even the ones older than me. Here again, I must perform for the crowds in my fish bowl.

    And from that day forward I did. I performed on the platform at Churches on worship bands, I performed for the crowds that surrounded me in two high schools and college. I performed for friends doing things I shouldn't have done. I tried to perform in a quasi-pastoral role as President of the Christian Club on Campus. Over and over I found one constant... I was inadequate. I was irrelevant.

    Then one day... I stopped performing for the crowds. I turned off the machine. I went home. And I never looked for the crowds again. Oh, I made a few halfhearted attempts to join a small group here or there. But for the most part I avoided: Community. Connection. And that way I could avoid those awful Emotions.

    From that day to this, I avoid emotions, community, connections... Other events reinforced this believe. Other events preceded this belief (which is why I'd already decided to be alone that day in the first place). But something about that event shows all the components in one place for open analysis.

    The Truth: ???


    God has emotions. Everything we are, came from Him. He feels more deeply than any human could ever conceive of feeling.

    The feelings that wash over you when a sunset or sunrise catch you by surprise in awe. The feelings of humor in the cloud shapes you see. The moving nature of music. The rush of young love. The power of a new mother holding her child.

    These are all from the heart of God.

    It's unfortunate that sin ever came. In order for man to freely and truly experience the deep pleasures that God himself experiences, he must have free will. He cannot be a robot, or automaton.

    As a result, the deep pleasure God experiences is as boundless as the deepness of the pain He is also capable of experiencing.

    No man will ever experience the deepness of the pain God experiences when Adam rejected his Word, or when men thought they were killing his Son.

    And no man will ever experience the complete deepness of His JOY when one of those sons of Adam return to him as adopted sons through the Last Adam!

    The truth is that emotions can hurt. Community and Connection can leave you open to those hurts. But they are not irrelevant... although... they may be tedious... they may.... maybe.... might be...

    Worth It? 


    Is it possible that emotions, community, and connection are worth the tediousness... and just maybe... are relevant to real life??

    Hey... this is new for me. I'm willing to be willing... to be willing... to... see what God would do in me from here.

    Maybe I'll read this one year from now, and be SHOCKED at just how far I've come.


    In other words... will I #BeStillBeLed?


    ---

    And now I leave you with a question:

     

    So... what are your thoughts about this? What did this make you think about? 

    Hit me up on Twitter @DarrellWolfe or on Google +DarrellWolfe

    By Darrell Wolfe

    Thursday, January 1, 2015

    Thaddeus J. B. Rotcudnoc

    Character Sketch (Hints)

     
     

    Motivation: Power/Control, to be the apex of every triangle, and the conductor of every interaction.

     
     

    Character Sketch

     
     

    Photos:

     
     

    Black Suit, real name unknown

    • Alias: Thaddeus J. B. Rotcudnoc
    • Alias:
    • Alias:
    • Alias:

     
     

    Thaddeus abhors social inventions. He is a trillion-aire. His net personal (non-corporate) net worth is equal, at least, to the annual GDP of North America combined.

     
     

    He needs to be in control of all things at all times. Money is not a motivation, it is a tool used to achieve that control. He owns half the US Senators, and blackmails another 1/4 of them. He considers Warren Buffet a small time nuisance, and sometimes an unwitting participant in his schemes.

     
     

    Real power is wielded secretly, quietly, and firmly. He never uses his real name, he's not even sure if he can remember his real name.

     
     

    Today he's decided to be known as Thaddeus.

     
     

     
     

    Overview: Traits, Strengths, SDI, Type, Gifts, Talents, Skills

     
     

    • Physical Description
      • Hair
        • White Hiar
        • Clean, Professional, part to the side.
        • Bright White, Bounces a bit if he walks/turns quickly
      • Eyes
        • Grey
        • No Glasses
      • Height/Weight
        • 5'7"
        • 155 lbs
        • Fit, not buff, but fit.
      • Style of Dress
        • Typically wears expensive business suits, popular/common cuts and colors.
        • Most Commonly wears a black suit and white shirt.
      • Speech
        • Hard to pin down, possibly a subtle German underpinning.
        • Speaks with simple phrases, may throw out a few college words from time to time which betray an intelligence. Prefers to get to what he is going to say directly, without misunderstanding, to control the situation with his words.
      • How Character Feels About Physical Appearance
        • Appearance is a tool used to wield power. I often wear a black suit, white shirt, and various ties. Always up to date with the latest fashions, but with a conservative and ubiquitous style. Flashy is not my thing.
        • The clothing should be expensive enough to make an impression on those who know what money can buy, but neutral enough to be vague in description to any authorities. I always make contingencies, ensuring that any evidence of my presence is wiped from cameras and recordings, but in this new digital age, you can never be too cautious, so I keep a low profile.
        • Appearance, like nearly all things for Thaddeus, is a finished product. Finley tuned and honed over many decades.
    • Personality
      • Mannerisms
        • certain little thing the character likes to do, like tearing up napkins while waiting for food at a restaurant
        • another certain little thing the character likes to do
      • Bad Habits
        • Bad Habit 1
        • Bad Habit 2
      • Strengths/Weaknesses
        • Strengths
        • Weaknesses
    • Likes/Dislikes
      • Likes
        • Snifter of Cognac
        • Making People Nervous
      • Dislikes
        • Things that are not well made / done right. Mistakes.
        • When things happen that he did not plan for / make contingencies for.
    • Family
      • Parents - Orphan
      • Siblings - None
      • Extended Family - None
    • Hobbies
      • Hobby 1
        • Science/Discovery
        • To be used to gain more control.
      • Hobby 2
        • details about hobby
        • character's feelings about hobby
    • History
      • Childhood
        • Event
        • Event
        • character's feelings about childhood
      • Teen Years
        • Event
        • Event
        • character's feelings about teen years
      • Young Adulthood
        • Event
        • Event
        • character's feelings about young adulthood
      • Just Before the Story Begins
        • Event
        • Event
        • character's feelings about events
    • Conflicts
      • Must be in Power/Control, to be the apex of every triangle, and the conductor of every interaction.
      • Outer Conflicts

     
     

    ******

    Someone is brought in by Dr. Briar to fix the project with sound and spirit world experiments. He is superior in intellect to most, he is a strong strategist, and he has motives that are not entirely purely scientific. His motives differ from Dr. Briar's in that sense. He's RICH… but so rich that making more money has no appeal to him. He'd be just as likely to drop a billion on a failing business just for the fun of turning it around as he would to just watch the money burn and spin that business wildly out of control. He's bored… he likes the power of anonymity. He made Dr. Briar think that Dr. Briar sought out his help; when in fact, he orchestrated the whole thing.

     
     

    Who is this Antagonist? Does he have a name? Will we ever know it? How much mystery is good, vs how much do we need to build flesh and blood into this guy and make him more real, menacing? Then again, the unknown has it's own fear built in.

     
     

    He motivated by money, in the sense that once should have gain, value, profit of some kind of out one's expenditure of energy. That value added need not be monetary though. Power. Control. Can the other dimensions, what some call the spirit world, be accessed? Can they be manipulated? Can they be controlled? These are the real power, the real questions.

     
     

     
     

    ***

     
     

    "Yes, Dr. Briar I am! That is why you brought me here. To fix this reject project and bring something valuable out of it. Keep me appraised of any changes."

     
     

    The black suited man turned and left the room. His tuft of white hair bouncing along as he walked away.

     
     

     
     

     
     

    ****

     
     

    He enjoyed seeing that look on people's face, when they first realize that they were never the one in charge or in control. When they realize that the person they thought they brought on to assist, was actually the one calling the shots. What they seldom know, and could not understand, is that they were never calling the shots. They were all part of his orchestrated plan. They were but a violin in his symphony, and easily replaceable.

     
     

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