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Wednesday, November 20, 2019

No Hiding Manifesto: How to pursue a more authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself.

If you're angry and bitter at God, failing in your relationships, and feeling defeated inside... You are not alone.

There is a better way to live. Come follow me, and pursue a more authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself.

Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

It's been a few years since I planned to kill myself. That was before I discovered a secret that radically changed how I live. I'd like to tell you about that secret.

First, you tell me if this sounds familiar...

You were idealistic, stubborn, motivated, going to take the world by storm. You were sure you had all the answers. Then... life happened.

Your career tanked. You lost a job, your job wasn't as fulfilling as you thought it would be, your career stagnated, you woke up and realized that you never accomplished what you set out to do.

Your marriage and family broke. You had plans to have this amazing marriage and family, and now you either argue constantly or you keep it inside to "keep the peace" but inside you feel nothing but turmoil and strife and anguish. Your kids are cute but driving you nuts. You find yourself staying at work past your off time, taking the longer route home, and doing your best to avoid the pain of being home. Maybe you always intended to get married, but you've floundered from one broken relationship to another without success.

You fell apart. You developed addictions, hang-ups, habits, and life choices that didn't serve you well, but helped you cope with the mounting pressure of being alive, pressing through day to day, getting up and doing life just to do it again the next day.

Tragedy struck. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse... TRAGEDY. Anything from the layoff at work, the car breaking down, to bigger things, like your newborn being rushed to the NICU, or even the death of a loved one.

Pressure mounted. It's all too much, too much pressure. Escape is the mantra that beats at your heart's door. Escape this mounting pressure that you've failed, life failed, and God failed you.

I’ve been there, here’s how I got out.

That's where I was in October 2016, when I decided to say "screw it". I was going to leave everything I knew, wife, kids, church... God. I was going to run off the deep end because "I'd rather be a whole heathen than a half Christian".

Then I made a choice... right there in the middle of that chaos. It was a choice of desperation, and it didn't feel bold. It felt weak, small, pathetic, like the last gasps of a dying man. It was a choice I now call:

No Hiding

In short, I told someone… a few someones.

Let me be clear, I didn’t change my mind. I was still planning to leave wife, kids, God, church, etc. I was still planning to do wild and crazy and self-destructive things… But I decided to leave a small opening for change.

I was brutally honest with two men, in two different settings, both of whom I could trust with my confidentiality about where I was. And I forced myself to tell them everything.

Nothing changed… at first.

I got worse.

That’s right. Nothing. I didn’t feel better. I didn’t change. I didn’t act better. In fact… I embraced this new broken identity and pursued it harder. I found more ways to engage the brokenness. My wife was devastated. My kids were hurt and confused.

But God…

So it was, on January 6, 2017, I was in the kitchen with my then-wife discussing the terms of our impending divorce when I started getting honest with her about everything. I started sharing my real heart, my real pain, the deep stuff that had been with me since childhood, the stuff I'd been keeping locked away so nobody would see how broken I really was. By the end of that conversation, we decided to reconcile, seek help together, and make a way forward.

Out of that conversation, I determined that I would live a NO HIDING lifestyle. Anytime I felt I should hide, cover, present a better face, I would instead, intentionally, reveal, uncover, force transparency.

It didn’t change overnight. We still had some really tough, shitty days. We still fought, because we needed healing. It took going together to a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist to help us learn to communicate better and hear each other.

Just when I thought we were starting to make headwind, another tragedy struck.

She died, suddenly (more on that here). I was left, yet again, in a season of struggling for answers, and pushing against the bitterness against God. But the key to my healing then stayed the same.

No Hiding

I ran to community, wherever I could find it. Most of my community at that time came from Widow/Widower Facebook groups. And I dove in. I started forcing transparency, sharing the darkest craziest thoughts. Out of that community, I’ve made some amazing friends all over the country.

Since then, I’ve made new friends from other communities. I have deepened relationships with my kids, extended family and made new friends. I found a church who’s leadership reflected that honest, open, transparency that I find crucial to my existence.

And I continue to pursue No Hiding, as my mantra, and manifesto.

I now write about pursuing an authentic relationship with God, others, and yourself at

No topic is off-limits. I explore how our spiritual, emotional, relational, financial, and even sexual lives are affected by and enhanced by our pursuit of a No Hiding lifestyle.

I hope you’ll join me on that journey.


Shalom: Live Long and Prosper!
Darrell Wolfe (DG Wolfe)
Storyteller | Scribe | Sojourner @

Clifton StrengthsFinder: Intellection, Learner, Ideation, Achiever, Input
16Personalities (Myers-Briggs Type): INFJ



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