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Saturday, March 21, 2020

Reevaluating my Boundaries...

Every so often... 

One realizes that people are messy. 

One must simultaneously love and forgive the messiness while also protecting themselves. This is called boundaries. 

Yesterday, I was shocked and taken by surprise that someone at work who I called a friend outside of work got a third party involved to tell me my communication style bothered them.

I'm always open to correction. I may not always agree with your assessment but I'm always open to hear it and evaluate it. I am certainly willing to either change my style or discontinue taking with you all together if that's what you need. I'm service minded first.

But not once did this individual even hint that we had an issue. Not mention of it. No "can you please stop xyz...". No words ever expressed. 

Getting a third party involved is sometimes necessary if an individual has been asked to stop doing something but continues the behavior. I myself, after months of enduring disrespectful behavior by a former friend came to the point where I let that individual know I will reach out to a third party if it happens again. 

But to go from zero to one hundred... To go from saying nothing and laughing at jokes and pretending to be my friend even the day of... to asking a third party to talk to me is juvenile, bizarre, and shows this individual to be far less safe and far more risky then I realized. Looking back, I can see this pattern of behavior with others they were in contact with, I just didn't notice at the time. I try to give people the benefit of proving that they are bad before I assume they're bad.

From now on, I am being more cautious, evaluating the safety of individuals before allowing them access to my world. 

I'm definitely going to reserve friendship for co-workers as a higher priced commodity, available only to those who have demonstrated they are safe. 

I also realized I have kids. Although they're teens, practically adults, people can still access them through me. So that bears consideration.

In light of this event, I removed about 150 people from my Facebook friends list. Most of them former co-workers, but some were people I met in Facebook groups.

I've come to understand, unfortunately, that I've given other people too much access to my life. I've left in place only those who I have a firm established relationship with, either through church, or we're friends outside of work, or we've built an honest connection.

Days ago, this individual would have met that criteria... So future requests will be evaluated more judiciously.

In the meantime, if I don't accept your request it's not personal. I just need more time to trust you. 

Please send me a Message through messenger. I'm still open to chat.



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